The journey to walking with Christ for many people begins in many ways. What always is a constant though, is that our Father in heaven loves us in a way that we cannot understand or comprehend until we enter Heaven. He is always pursuing us in little ways. It is in our free will that we get to choose to respond to His call home. My testimony is not for me in a direct sense but simply a love letter from God that he uses me as a vessel to share with the world. I am simply his instrument to go and save souls and bring others into relationship with him. For anything that I do good is not because of something I did but what God has done through me, and anything that I do that is not good is my own fault. 

My story begins truly at the moment I was blessed to be baptized. My parents had me baptized in a Presbyterian church when I was a child. This is truly the beginning of my story. The sacraments that we partake in are not symbols as some denominations unfortunately believe. When we are baptized we are baptized by water and spirit, and we become adopted sons and daughters of our Father in heaven, allowing us to cry out “Abba Father.” It was at this moment I was His and I was washed clean of original sin. It was here, when I was given the graces and the Spirit that would be with me even when I denied the existence of God and was dead in my sin. 

Now regardless of these graces we are given, we also have free will to fully accept or deny God. This often is a tension point for many non-believers where they ask the question: “why does God allow bad things, if he is so good?” From the Christian perspective it is the cause of our free will and our own failures to cooperate with God’s grace that causes the chaos, tyranny and disorder of the world. It is because of God’s perfect love allowing us to fail and choose him on our own accord is what makes him a loving father comparative to the counterpart if we did not have free will we would be simply a slave. This takes nurture and formation to continue to allow the graces to flow through our soul to be able to live with God in relationship. This formation can come about in many different ways, but the typical ways will be from the Church, parents, fellowship, or potentially a divine revelation through some sort of God given grace for the soul. 

My formation however really maybe didn’t have the best foundation. My parents placed me in a Catholic School in the 1st grade. Not per say because of the faith aspects but to take us out of the toxic environment in the public school system we were originally in. My parents growing up slowly as time went on strayed away from their own personal relationship with God and because of this the most crucial and primary form of formation that occurs in the home never occurred. Nonetheless, I still was blessed to have stumbled upon grace as the Church would say because although maybe it was not the most perfect picture formation, it still opened the door for Christ to make an active pursuit of my soul. I would then come into communion with the Catholic Church thanks be to God in the 2nd grade receiving the Sacraments of first communion and reconciliation. Looking back however I did not understand as to why I was partaking in these Sacraments, I haven't a clue as to what Christ was inviting me into. 

In the 8th grade I would ultimately switch schools again as we had moved into a new district and returned back to the public schools. Here at this point I believe that any sort of formation that would’ve maybe occurred came to an end. I also had the perspective that for 7 years of my Catholic School experience, I was being told I had to sign up for a bunch of rules, which I didn’t understand or agree that we should follow. This gave me a false view of who God was, and I viewed him as a tyrant rule maker who waved his finger at me just telling me to do this, don’t do that. My main objection to continuing to pursue God was being tired of hearing that God loves us, and how good he is, and never really felt as though God cared about me. 

I grew up being picked on, and typically the kid left out things. If people did show interest in me, it would be for what felt like a personal gain of what I could do for them. I struggled with mental health, such as depression, and anxiety that would often make me feel immobilized many times in my life. I created all sorts of defense mechanisms that would ensure no one would know how bad I was struggling. This would look like overcompensating in conversations, immaturity, anger, arrogance and other outbursts which ultimately made my situation worse. I grew much contempt for many people in my life, trust issues of anyone new who would come into my life to where even if they had good intentions for me I would typically run from them stemming from a fear of being abandoned. I would ultimately continue forward in life numb to a lot of emotions trying to avoid what was going on in my life instead of dealing with the problems or talking to anyone about it. When I was 16 years old I planned to go and commit suicide, as I had felt as though I had reached my limit of what I could handle anymore. I thought I was alone, I didn’t feel as though even my parents would listen. The only council I was truly listening to was the lies of the devil. I was seconds away from following through with a lie that was placed in my consciousness by the evil one when a sense of extreme peace washed over me. A gentle voice pleading inside of me, begging me to stop. Letting me know that I wasn’t alone, that I had some more in me, that I still had things I needed to do. I stopped immediately and sobbed. I couldn’t believe what a grave mistake I almost committed in my life. I sat the rest of the day staring at the wall trying to distract myself from what just occurred, as well as trying to make sense of what I had felt and heard. I however, did not see this as divine intervention and God’s loving hand pleading for me to give him my heart so that he could love me. Amongst all of the emotions and confusion I just wanted to forget the day ever happened. I was disgusted with myself, scared of who I was and sought out whatever I could to numb myself from the hurt. This would include pursuing women, video games, sports, anything so that I would convince myself that I was normal, or would appear as if I wasn't struggling. 

I will pause here to emphasize that if you are someone who is struggling with mental health in your life, and you feel as though you are alone, this is NOT your thought, this is the devil. You are worth more than diamonds, rubies, and the hairs of your head have been numbered by our Father in heaven and the love he has for you I wish I could just give you a cup of to experience in this moment. Seek the help you need, seek out Christ, you are worth more than you will ever understand. 

In the 11th grade, my family would move to Hayward, WI where I was hopeful to get a clean slate and start over. I did online school through a charter school, and would travel to Hudson, Wi for lacrosse which was about 2 hours away. My time in Hudson was the only socialization I would get for my junior year. I primarily wanted to hide away in my room playing video games as a way to numb any feelings or emotions I was dealing with. I worked out at the local airport where I would actually begin to question the existence of God again. It was here in my junior year that the Holy Spirit was trying to reach out to me in numerous ways but failed to see it as such, more of just happenstances, or coincidences. An example of this was one of the guys who worked for the city, plowing the snow at the airport. He came in one day telling me about how he was recently finding God in his life and told me how he had been through some mental health struggles, financial struggles of late and has been able to let go of so much anger towards his family and the world because of this new relationship he was finding in Jesus Christ. It was very eye opening for me, as I saw so much joy and peace in him, but I also saw the struggle and fight that it took him to get there. I really related a lot to this man as I felt like I was living with the same chip on my shoulder. This example and other encounters were all ways that God was crying out to me calling me home, weeping, as I can imagine in John 11:35. My junior year however, I lived primarily in isolation, I stayed away from people as much as possible and would just become a mold into any environment I came into. All of these seeds that were maybe planted never really seemed to go anywhere and had short term motivation, never really being able to grow. 

As I was rounding the corner and going into my senior year of high school I decided I needed to go back in person for school. This was overall a huge help for me to begin this clean slate, almost starting life over just at the age of 17. Things would actually begin here to make an upturn in my life where I met some of the most hardworking, genuine men in my life who I am still friends with to this day, Brett Disher, Riley Dobbs, and Dak Doyle. I finally felt as though I had found people who loved me for me, that I didn’t need to mold into an environment that they just accepted me with all of who I was. There was for sure maybe some growing pains along this clean slate but I was at least going up. I also entered into a relationship that would last a little over 3 years. 

These relationships were all stepping stones in my life that helped me be able to function in life. If you are one of those people reading this may God overflow you with abundant mercy and graces, because you all had a part in me being able to find the love of God. 

As life continued to improve or get better I felt as though I was the one who had figured out my problems, and it took God out of the picture. This was such a misconception on my part at the time as for anything good I do is not because of me, and for anything I do bad is what I do. I then developed this thought that well I clearly don’t need God because anything that has been good in my life has come from my labors and God has never done anything for me. 

I entered college seeking out all the wrong things. Living out that lifestyle I thought that I was succeeding in life. However, living a life of sin is not glorious, and is not fulfilling in any way. I began to conform again and be a mold into whatever environment I was in just to survive. I even remember having conversations with people about God, as though I believed in him, but truly deep down I would feel ashamed when I walked away from those conversations cause I knew I was just a fraud, trying to latch onto anything that made me fit in. 

All sin is a counterfeit form of love or experiences of what we think will bring us what we desire. Ultimately what our soul longs for is the union with God, that we originally had in the Garden of Eden that Adam and Eve originally were gifted. For example sex before marriage, is a counterfeit love seeking a marriage covenant between husband and wife that resembles the exact same love of the Trinity. When a man and women are two but become one flesh this shows the deep and powerful love between, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, all three but one God. Drunkenness is an escape outside of reality of seeking fun, and happiness. However, it is a coping mechanism that occurs because we are seeking eternal gratification and joy in our soul that only comes from God. Alcohol gives us this rush of these emotions, but when we come down from this rush all we are left with the same miserable garbage that we started with. The list of sins continues to pile up quickly throughout our life especially when we have no concern for others and only for what serves ourselves. 

This weight of sin is tangible, many people today can feel it but can’t identify it as such. It is the mental health struggles of today, financial burdens, sickness, death, war, and many other great pains we see and face in our life today. I began to feel depression creep back into my life, and it scared me to my core. I went completely numb to my emotions and didn’t know what to do and so I tried to fill my life with even more garbage. I figured, when I was putting my time into these things my life improved. I failed to see that these were all just short-term gratifications. This only made things worse as time went on, and my mental health declined even more. 

There were a couple moments in my life that were stepping stones that began my journey towards God. New Year's day of 2022 was one of them. I was out indulging in what the world had to offer me, and almost saw my life come to a screeching halt, as I made the ignorant decision to drive home that evening, and almost went to jail. It was by the mercy of God, and that police officer that night that I made it home alive and not in any trouble with the law. It scared me straight maybe as they say, and began this slow process of looking in the mirror. 

The spring of 2022 semester came and nothing much changed but reflecting back I could sense that my eyes were beginning to open to what was happening in my life and being able to take ownership for my life and why it was a mess. 

May of 2022 I was back home in Hayward working for the summer, and little did I know my life was going to radically flip upside down. There came a day where the weight of all the sin came crashing down on me, causing me multiple days of panic attacks. I was genuinely terrified of who I was becoming, and looking at the last 4 years of my life with disgust for how I acted, how I've treated people. I struggled for days, and was just trying to process through all of what was going through my head. I went to the gym trying to clear my head of what was going on, and during the car ride home I began to ponder and question everything I have done in my life leading up to this point. It was on Highway B, I had just passed the Casino, and just a little bit passed the 55 mph speed limit sign heading back out to my house, where my new life would begin. As I was driving down the road I suddenly felt convicted to pray to God. Again I must preface for the last 7 years of my life aside from a couple 3 months of questions I had in my junior year of high school I had been an atheist. The fact I was convicted to pray in something I didn’t believe in made no sense. 

So I began, “God, I don’t really know how to do this. But, if there ever was a time for you to show up in my life, now is it. I need your help, and I’m really scared.” It was in this moment that I was washed over with perfect divine love. The physical feelings of what felt like my body temperature warming up, and feeling as though someone was holding my heart so that there was no more tension. I could feel someone wrapping their arms around me. This perfect peace and love was felt throughout my entire body and soul. I had a complete understanding that it was from God. I suddenly just heard the small gentle voice, “come to me.” God was not telling me to “come to him” in a command, it was as though he was pleading with me. It felt like he was mourning seeing me in the state I was in for so long, that I was far from him. 

It was on this day that I firmly believed in the existence of God. I understood that I needed to take a step forward with God and figure out what he was calling me into. I didn’t really know what that looked like at the time but I knew the basics of it all, I should keep the 10 commandments, cut out sin in my life, and any relationships that were leading me to sin or people that would dull me. Finally, find a church to go to on Sunday. These were just a couple of things I really remembered from my days in the Catholic school religious education classes, and other than that I figured, I'd just pick things up as I went forward. I will also emphasize that I am still a sinner and always will be. I will always be trying to repent of my sins and only by the grace of God over long periods of time have I been able to repent and be free of certain sins. 

The question I asked myself was where do I go to Church? Well the assumption might have been to go back to the Catholic Church, which I did think about. However, when that thought came to my mind, a lot of past memories with Catholics came forward. Boring, rude, judgmental, was bullied, picked on and never felt welcomed. I vividly remember thinking well the heck with all that Catholic nonsense. It then dawned on me the last time I went to Church would have been in a past relationship to Hayward Wesleyan Church. I simply remember going just to make my girlfriend at the time happy so I wouldn’t ruffle feathers.I figured, I’ll give that a go, and see what happens, worst that happens is I just go to a different church the following week. 

That first service I went to definitely was outside my comfort zone to be honest, but I also did have a sense of peace about things that I knew I was on the right track. I walked in and sat down, and minded my own business. The service was really good to be totally honest, I loved what Pastor Chad preached about, the music wasn’t so bad and there was a welcoming atmosphere. As service was ending, it was as though Chad was a lion running after its prey and nothing was going to stop him. He came right up to me, introduced himself, and made me feel so loved, and welcomed. He was the first Christian I had ever met that I felt embodied virtue, and loving people in a radical way. His gift to make every single person feel important and loved in this world was a gift given to him by God undoubtedly. The work that Chad McCallum is doing for the Kingdom of God and what he did in my life is a gift to us all. I thank you Chad for all that you have done for the Hayward community and in my life sincerely, may God bless you with mercy and abundant grace. 

During this time I had also met a lady, and really was wanting to pursue her in a relationship. Looking back on it, the prudent thing would have been to just grow as a man in virtue, and work on my relationship with the Lord. As we all know in our Christian walk there is no such thing as coincidences and to this day I will firmly stand that she was sent by Heaven regardless of the relationship not panning out. The only dampener on this was that she was Catholic and I wanted nothing to do with Catholicism. I will say that I had a wrongful assumption about Catholics because of my years growing up and I had a complete misunderstanding of the faith in itself. However, she was the first Catholic who showed me a strong witness to what it meant to be Catholic and especially her family. The relationship however pushed me to grow in my faith, to learn more on how to live as a disciple of Jesus Christ. I will digress and give thanks to you, for your patience and your witness along with your family’s witness to the faith. You showed me the light of truth, and know you are all in my prayers, may God bless you abundently and give you abundant grace. 

That summer I continued to go to Hayward Weslyn, and my faith truly began to take root especially by the end of the summer. I must emphasize that after my encounter in May of 2022 with the Lord it was not just I was free from sin, and hit the ground running and became righteous. It was a battle and a struggle and there were even days where the devil would try and creep in and make me doubt my experience that I had with God. Slowly as time would continue forward, I would make little baby steps with the Lord converting myself over to him, continuing to give him more of my life. 

In the fall semester returning back to campus I joined a campus ministry called InnerVarsity which is an interdenominational student led bible study. This was a huge help for my initial formation of my faith because it gave me an environment of fellowship that would push me to go deeper in my faith. I quickly grew the desire to spread the Gospel message and began learning more about apolegetics. I figured that if I shared my story of how I found God most people would look at me as a nut bag and roll their eyes at me when hearing my story. So I came to the realization I needed to be able to know why we can confidently say that God exists and I wanted to know why we believe the things we do. 

This would ultimately begin my journey back home to the Catholic Church. As I began this research on apologetics to be able to defend the faith, my former relationship and I began to discuss things about the Catholic faith. She had brought up the idea of me considering Catholicism and like I said earlier I wanted nothing to do with the Catholic Church, and so I arrogantly thought I would try and convert her and would bring her to the lighter side of Protestantism. 

There are some key points I would like to preface before I continue forward. I was completely fine with saying the Catholic Church held the truth, however, I believed at the time that the Catholic Church was not grounded in scripture. I also made the claim that there can’t be 40,000 different denominations and that this was a mess for Protestants, understanding that there cannot and is not 40,000 truths. The truth is the truth and it doesn’t care about my opinion, it doesn’t care about your opinion either. This would begin my journey to disprove the Catholic Church in November of 2023. 

I began by watching debates and other apologetics of Protestant theologians as to why we can confidently say God exists and why we believe the things we do, and then slowly branching out into Catholic theology, and where they get their beliefs. I would then take the next 6-7 months putting together a 7 paged document of arguments of why the Catholic Church was incorrect. I had things and quotes from the Catechism, the Bible, and all rebuttals as to why the Catholic Church was wrong. 

My biggest disagreement was the Eucharist bar none. I also did say that if the Eucharist is true and if Catholics are right about the Eucharist, then nothing else matters. None of my opinions or objections to Catholicism would hold any ground for validity because of what Jesus claims in John 6. “If you do not eat my flesh and drink my blood then you will not have eternal life.” I spent a decent amount of time on attempting to disprove things surrounding the Eucharist. This would include especially the validity of the papacy, priesthood, and the other sacraments that Catholics had. My other large objections to the Catholic Church were their doctrines on Confession, intercession of saints and Mary, purgatory, authority of the Church, and the fact that Catholics didn’t believe in Sola Scriptura or Sola Fide. Which is saved by faith and grace alone, and Scripture alone as our authority. 

I really began to live and breathe these apologetics in March and April of 2023. To make an open confession however, this entire time of me researching the Catholic Church my heart grew hardened and I made the mistake of not opening up the idea that Catholics were potentially right and that they might hold the truth. I can think of many times where I simply just ignored the truth, and would just deny whatever claim was made and come up with an excuse as to why Catholics were wrong and how Protestants were right. 

Throughout this whole experience, I was growing in my faith because of all the things I was learning. The closer one gets to Christ and to the truth, we will experience spiritual warfare. I am not the only one to experience this especially when getting closer to the Catholic Church. It was over spring break in early March that spring of 2023 that I experienced to be one of the most frightening nights of my life. 

I went into sleep paralysis and could hear what sounded like nails on the hardwood floor outside my bedroom, and chanting which was clearly in a different language. I felt an immense weight on my soul and extreme fear for my life. As it intensified, I could see a large dark figure very tall and lanky in the corner of the room, it slowly would get closer and closer and felt the weight increase on my chest. As it got closer I felt as though something was gripping around my throat and struggled to breath. This entire time I kept trying to yell the words, “Jesus, save me.” I couldn’t get the words out. I then began to feel as though I was being lifted out of my bed and almost as though my body and soul were being pulled apart in a wrestling match. I finally was able to cry out, “Jesus, save me,” and in a second of calling upon his name it all stopped. The weight was lifted off of my chest and the grip around my neck was released. To this day I will attest the demons were trying to stop me from pursuing truth and the Catholic Church. From this experience though it showed me the reality of spiritual warfare and showed me a sliver of what torment, and how evil Satan truly was. 

This spiritual attack didn't stop me in the slightest, it honestly motivated me to pursue my relationship with Jesus in a deeper way. I was getting close to putting together this document on why the Catholic Church was wrong, and was even thinking about showing it to my ex-girlfriend to try and convert her to Protestantism. Then suddenly, I hit a roadblock. The most compelling information I had heard about Catholicism came not from a book, a debate, or from a theologian. It came from listening and hearing the testimonies of my ex-girlfriend along with her mothers testimonials and stories of encounters they have had with God. 

I will not go into extreme detail of their stories because those are personal encounters with God that is their story to share. However, the aspects and fruits of their stories that I heard all involved intercession of Mary, and the saints. Including miracles, unexplained healings, and visions of saints, angels and more. I had a couple different thoughts as I listened to their testimonials. Firstly, I need and want this intimacy that they have with God in these encounters with God. Secondly, if all of these stories are bearing such glowing fruits it is clearly from God, and all of these stories are related to intercession of Mary and or Saints. It showed me that if God didn’t want us to pray to saints in the first place then these encounters with God would have never happened in the first place because he is absolutely just and bound to the Law. This would be the first time that my heart would finally open up to the idea that Catholicism was the one true faith. 

After hearing their stories on April 17th at 8 am in the morning, I drove back to Mankato for classes that week. I remember calling my dad on the drive back to school, and I remember ranting to him about everything saying, none of this makes sense. I feel as though I have the evidence to put the Catholic Church in the grave, but yet these encounters that they experienced with God are showing me otherwise. I had so much conflict in my heart about what was true and it was Monday around 2:00 pm when I rolled into my driveway in Mankato and as I was walking into my house I prayed the most honest prayer I have ever prayed in my life. “God, I am tired of following you how I think I should or how anyone else tells me I should. Show me where the truth is and how you desire me and all of your people to worship you. So if the Catholic Church is true, then send me doves. They can’t be in a religious sense, not on a phone, or TV, they need to be so clearly from you that there is no confusion that these doves are sent from you. If you send me these doves, then I will be Catholic and I will know that this is your Son’s Church and I will know that there is no other faith that is true.” I followed this prayer by asking for the Blessed Mothers intercession for the first time in my life, and I prayed the following, “God I hope I am not sinning right now by praying to Mary, but if I’m gonna give this whole Catholic thing a shot I am gonna see what happens. Mary, perfect my prayer to fit the will of the Father and bring me to your Son.” 

Something to quick note in the theology of the Blessed Mother as our intercessor. Her entire mission is to unite us to her Son Jesus Christ and to fulfill the will of God the Father. The saints will say that it would be easier to take heat away from flame, than it would be to take Mary away from knowing the will of God. 

I digress, so over the course of the next two weeks I planned to amp up my research and I dove head first into trying to figure it all out. Also with more of an open heart. Don’t get me wrong I had a hardened heart still but at least the door was cracked open just enough. And if there is anything I know about Jesus, is that if you give him an inch he will take it and run a marathon with it. 

On April 17th I reached out to priests in the area wanting to ask them more questions about the faith. April 19th I had my first meeting with Fr. Andrew over at St. Peter and Paul Catholic Church in Mankato at 3:30 p.m which was a Wednesday. I truly had the intention of it just being a sit down, to ask some questions and keep it very laid back. However,my arrogant self thought let's go and present this 7 page document to flip the table on the Catholic Church, and I’m gonna go shut this sucker down. Pretty unbelievable to think that I would be able to do this but as anyone who knows me today I love to keep life interesting. 

Again I give gratitude to Fr. Andrew and his patience during our conversation, and may God bless him with abundant mercy and graces. I was pretty ruthless, I opened the conversation not even willing to address him as father, because of course that whole scripture verse that says, “call no man father,” and the misconception that protestants have on that verse, I took to heart. I introduced myself and I wasted no time. I said, Andrew, I'm here because I disagree with everything that is the Catholic Church and I’m here to listen to your side of it all and I have a bunch of arguments as to why I think the Catholic Church is wrong.” 

I still chuckle about it today because he is such a virtuous priest and he simply smiled ever so gently like a kid in the candy store, and he simply said, “Well lets pray, In the name of the Father and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.” 

After that prayer, for three and a half hours Fr. Andrew and I sat down discussing the faith.I tell you what if there was a scoreboard it would’ve been a blowout game and the stands would’ve been empty. There was not one single argument that I actually caught him on. Big shocker right. Argument after argument I simply began to get humbled over and over. His final words to me were, “Well Jeremy, just keep going, you'll be Catholic soon.” I literally laughed out loud and blew him off saying that I would never be Catholic. Even then after not getting him on one single argument, I was still hard of heart. He gave me some homework to do per say, because he told me to go and look at the early Church Fathers, and specifically to go look at St. Ignatius of Antioch. I then walked out of the Church and sat in my car for about 20 minutes staring up, thinking about what just happened. Also thinking it was a good thing I didn’t present this to my girlfriend at the time cause that would’ve been embarrassing. 

The weekend came and I went to my usual non-denominational church at 10 p.m and I lived out another normal week. The following week I randomly saw a former Protestant theologian named Scott Hahn, who had converted to Catholicism. He was talking about the Mass in a short clip on instagram, where I then looked him up and watched his full conversion story. It then became a trickle effect. The more of these stories I kept listening to, I saw people who had even more in depth knowledge of theology than I did and they themselves found roadblocks and couldn’t argue their way out of it causing them to come to see that the Catholic Church was founded by Jesus Christ and that this is the one true Church as Catholics claim to be. It began to not look good for me, becoming Catholic. Their stories only reminded me of the great intimacy that the earlier testimonies were showing me Catholics had with God. 

Then came Thursday, April 27th, was when I recieved the kill shot that put me in the coffin. Well at least you think it would, but like I said, I can be very bullheaded and quite arrogant. I decided that it was time to look at these supposed Church Fathers. Something that me and Fr. Andrew agreed that the closer we can get to the Apostles and the way they practiced the faith, the better off we are. 

St. Ignatius of Antioch plays zero games, I tell you what. Again, I remind you, that even as a protestant, I had the full understanding that if the Eucharist was truly the true presence of Jesus Christ, body, blood, soul and divinity as they say, nothing else matters. St. Ignatious has three pretty powerful quotes on this exact topic. He was also an Apostle of St. John who wrote one of the Gospels as many of you know and is known as the beloved Apostle, and stood at the foot of the cross with the Blessed Mother. He writes the following quotes in 110 A.D. 

I have no taste for corruptible food nor for the pleasures of this life. I desire the Bread of God, WHICH IS THE FLESH OF JESUS CHRIST, who was of the seed of David; and for drink I DESIRE HIS BLOOD, which is love incorruptible. (Letter to the Romans 7:3) 

Take care, then, to use one Eucharist, so that whatever you do, you do according to God: FOR THERE IS ONE FLESH OF OUR LORD JESUS CHRIST, and one cup IN THE UNION OF HIS BLOOD; one ALTAR, as there is one bishop with the presbytery… (Letter to the Philadelphians 4:1) 

They [i.e. the Gnostics] abstain from the Eucharist and from prayer, because they do not confess that THE EUCHARIST IS THE FLESH OF OUR SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST, flesh which suffered for our sins and which the Father, in his goodness, raised up again. (Letter to Smyrnians 7:1) 

I vividly remember sitting in Neutral Grounds coffee shop, reading these letters thinking, this isn’t looking good at all, this sounds extremely Catholic. I began to see more letters proving that the early Church already had an understanding of intercession of Saints, the authority of the Catholic Church, the Papacy and the way they worshiped on Sunday was not with music, a light show or anything that I was doing but they described the Mass. My jaw completely hit the floor, as I continued to read about the early Church and the way they practiced their faith. 
I was left taken back and really didn’t know what to make anything of it. Even after reading all of this information I was still left confused and conflicted. You would think that after reading this I would’ve run to the Catholic Church and begged to become Catholic. But for my Catholic brothers and sisters who are reading this, when evangelizing anyone we must understand that it is not about the information, and we need to let go of the fact that well I don’t understand why some people won’t become Catholic after all the information has been presented to someone. Which ultimately just will come off as judgmental and push people away anyways. At the end of the day, it comes down to where an individual is in their own relationship with God, and the posture of their heart along with many outside factors. For me it was the fear of what my friends and family would think of me. Especially my parents, who were not necessarily the biggest fans of the Catholic Church at the time. It was the fear of being alone again because my friends would abandon me because I was Catholic. Would I ever be able to live up to the standard of being Catholic, which was just a misunderstanding and misconception to begin with. But I hope this puts into perspective regardless of me seeing the truth and all of the information, at the end of the day what needed to convert was not my intellect but my heart. 

On Saturday, April 29th, I met with FOCUS missionary Jared Burbach, and we sat down and began to discuss the faith some more. He began to show me all of these Catholic doctrines in the bible and some of it I hadn’t seen before but it was all theology that I believed in now after all of my research, and nothing of what he said I disagreed with. I still remember Jared asking the question, “So you believe in the Eucharist but you don’t want to be Catholic, what else do we have to talk about?” I simply just shrugged my shoulders and responded just saying, “yeah I just don’t know if I can do it.” 

I walked away from that conversation with deep thought trying to reflect on the last two weeks. Trying to just make sense of all that was going through my head. I called my girlfriend, and said that maybe I'll try Mass again and see what happens, but if I wake up for Mass and I'm just too tired I'll bag it and go to where I usually go to church. I set an alarm for 6:00 a.m and went to bed. That alarm went off, and for a moment I thought about going to Mass still, I remember thinking, “I've had it with these Catholics this past week.” Exhausted and I went back to bed. I fell back asleep right away, and went into the most vivid dream I've ever had in my life. First thing, I felt was the exact same presence and perfect love I felt back when I initially became a Christian a year ago. God’s perfect peace and love flowed through me and was overwhelmed to be in his presence again. I had complete control of my thoughts, I could feel my emotions, I had the ability to feel the bed sheets I was laying in, and as I sat up in my bed, trying to gain my bearings, understood that I was dreaming. I looked to my left and a priest was sitting there in my room. The chair was gold with red velvet for the cushions, with an intricate design on the gold all the way around the chair. He simply looked at me and said, “Jeremy, it sounds like you have some sins you’d like to confess.” 

I will pause here for context as well. The protestant understanding of forgiveness, is that I am automatically covered in forgiveness because of Jesus’ death on the cross and that no matter what I do if I ask for forgiveness then I am forgiven because of my belief alone in the cross. However, in the back of my head there was always this twinge that felt as though I questioned whether or not I was truly forgiven or free from many sins of my life or still struggling with. It was at this moment when the priest asked me if I wanted to confess my sins, the guilt and weight of my actions swelled up inside of me and I began to sob. 

What felt like fractions of a second, I confessed my sins, and when I was done, the dream began to fade out and go black, the last thing I heard from the priest was, “you have been forgiven my son.” 

I woke up on my left side, no longer sitting up in my bed I may add. I opened my eyes and could hear the wind rustling in the trees, and then it went completely quiet. The wind stopped for this short moment, and I heard a dove give out what felt like the loudest morning coo i’ve ever heard in my life. I heard the dove, and I felt as though I was a dog raising its head as it heard the food bag get ripped open for dinner. After the dove went quiet, the exact prayer I prayed on April 17th came flooding back into my head. The dove cooed again for a second time and again for a third time. 

The second dove came with immense spiritual warfare of lies about the faith that I intellectually knew were wrong, lies about myself and extreme doubt and fear. The third dove came with Jesus' voice, clear and concise. He met me where I was at. Gentle and full of love. “Jeremy, I am not going to make you Catholic, but you know the truth. You know what is at stake. Please, come to me.” An invitation, not a command, perfect love which never broke free will. 

His presence was lifted away and spiritual warfare came crawling back again, the wind began again and I could hear the leaves rustling again. I sat there trying to gain my wits again as to what just happened. I sat there now sitting up in my bed, pondering what my decision would be, and as the devil pushed me more and more in that moment. It was the realization that if the devil is trying to stop me from being Catholic, then I want to be Catholic. I checked the time and it was 7:06 a.m and I made the decision at that very moment that I was going to be Catholic. It was at that exact moment that the spiritual warfare washed away, and I was filled with so much joy and excitement. I ran out the door and made it on time for the 7:30 a.m Mass. 

I got to Mass and was so distracted I was primarily focused on trying to understand what just happened to me, thinking that I was crazy. I went up and received my blessing for communion, even though I felt like I truly was in a state of grace, I figured I wouldn’t take the chance. Mass ended and I sat there in so much peace, I finally was able to let go of the conflict in my heart. I felt I was free from sin, but most importantly I felt at home. 

A woman named Linda after Mass, saw me and came up and introduced herself, and in a similar way that Chad invited me under his wing she was the warm and welcoming presence I needed that day as well. I had told her that I really needed to see Fr. Andrew and so I waited my turn to greet him. I simply stated, “Father! You’re not going to believe this but I’m Catholic!” He looked at me with so much confusion and was like well that’s not really how it works and probably was thinking, this kid a week and a half ago was in my office telling me that everything the Catholic Church was doing was incorrect. I doubled down, “No, No Father I believe everything and I you’re not going to believe what just happened to me” 

On April 30th, 2023 I made the decision to be Catholic again. And on May 1st, I came back into full communion with the Catholic Church after 9 long years. I confessed all of my garbage to the priest. As the words of absolution were said by the priest, a literal feeling of weight being lifted off my shoulders occurred, and was just washed with so much peace. I knew that I was finally free of my sin. 

For the Catholic reading this, I hope it pushes you to go deeper in your faith. To convert yourself more to Jesus Christ, to know his heart on a deeper level and to appreciate our faith more. If you don’t understand the faith, then ask the questions, and begin to bear a strong witness to bring everyone home to the fullness of the faith. Because anyone who is outside the Church and not experiencing the Sacraments is on us. We have to go out and tend to lost sheep that are seeking truth and seeking the fullness of Jesus Christ. 

For the protestant reading this, pause, before your heart is on defense, this is not your thought but the evil ones. From my own experience and many other converts of the faith the closer you get to something that is of God we experience spiritual warfare. The defense mechanism is to push this message away and say well that is great for you Jeremy, I’m happy you had this journey to becoming Catholic but it’s just not for me. I didn’t write my testimony out so that we would go our separate ways but to be unified in Christ. I plead with you to not be like me, do not close your heart or mind but be open to receiving what Jesus is offering us in His Catholic Church. As St. Paul writes in Ephesians 4:4-6, “There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called to one hope when you were called; one Lord, one faith, one baptism; on God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.” 

My testimony is not about me. It is about the immense praise and glory that God deserves, to show you that whatever you are going through you are loved, that you are worth more than diamonds, rubies and gold. You may have been belittled and not show up in the hall of fame here on earth but truly your reward in Heaven is great if we cooperate with His grace he desires to give us. 

It shows you a vulnerable side of who I am and the struggle and the realness of the battle that is in all of our lives. I hope that the details of the struggles I went through will show you this walk with Christ is not about perfection, but about progress. I can never and will never do anything to achieve perfection, only Christ will sanctify me. Before the Protestant says you sound like you are working your way into heaven. There is no work that I will do that will save me, just to squash that thought now. But Christ does not want passive followers; he needs active ones to go and evangelize the whole world so that we can all in hopes have communion with him in heaven one day. 

All of our testimonies have power, and none is more or less than the other because each testimony and witness that you all have is a love letter written to us by God being actively lived out every second and through every breath you take. Only by God’s grace am I even breathing and standing here today able to share His glory through this story. 

If you are the person who reads this letter and was inspired to begin the journey to investigate the Catholic Church to see what the whole deal is about. Then amen to you my freind. At the end of the day the Catholic Church is true, it is the one true faith and the Church that Jesus Christ established before he ascended into heaven. Jesus simply wants to love you more and wants to have intimacy with us all in the sacraments, and most especially through the Eucharist where he says I give you my body in order to have love and relationship with you. 

I would not be the man I am today without Jesus Christ, without His Church, and the Sacraments that Jesus Christ gave His Church. I am by no means a perfect individual and have my life figured out in any way shape or form. I am still a sinner and the Lord is growing me in many areas of my life, and he will sanctify me for the rest of my life, through suffering, prayer, and the sacraments. I hope and pray that the story that God has written through my life draws you closer to Him, because he loves you and wants to give you so many blessings in your life. 

The grace of the Lord Jesus be with all of you. 

God bless.

Jeremy Dunlop; August 2024.

Thank you Jeremy, for sharing your story!